Tied Together With A Smile

Faith. Belief. Hope. Dreams.

2011-09-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

Faith.

Belief.

Hope.

Dreams.

Before the year of 2011, I had seen no reason to believe in what people called God. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that it's wrong or anything. I guess I just wasn't ready to devote myself to a religion.

But now, I finally understand the feeling of needing a religion, or simply a belief, to guide us through the forest of life; of needing the strength to pull through hard times; of praying every night before bed and feeling better about it; of being able to dream and to wish that your dreams may come true; of having no one but God to turn to.

I believe. And I'm not ashamed to say so. I believe so that I can continue to work hard silently even if no human can see it. But I know God sees it all; talent, effort, sacrifice, tears, scars, pain. I didn't waste twelve years, getting my hard work denied, for nothing.

I promise I will be a strong person, no matter what happens.

10

2011-09-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

10 things I learnt about myself:

1. I'm irresponsible.

2. I'm weird.

3. My handwriting's ugly.

4. I can't be trusted.

5. I don't do well with numbers.

6. I can't do anything except studying.

7. I suck at giving information.

8. I don't really understand people's questions.

9. I'm not good at art.

10. I care too much about what other people think.

2011-07-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

I think people sometimes forget that I'm human.

2011-07-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

It was as if I never existed.

Merely a Fool

2011-06-27T23:26:00.002+08:00

I guess I was a fool to have believed that things will turn out to be better. Or to have ever thought that I can actually be happy for once without fail. Maybe it's true that happiness never lasts? Even if it does, I don't think I still have enough faith to pull through now.

Checklist

2011-06-08T17:55:00.003+08:00

Things I have to do before tuition at 8pm:

1. Wash my clothes.

2. Hang my clothes.

3. Wash all the plates, mugs and cutlery.

(as the insecticide is poisonous)

4. Feed the tortoises.

5. Mop the floor.

6. Replant Mum's plant.

7. Practice my scales.

8. Practice my piano exam pieces.

9. Practice the pieces for the school concert rehearsal on Tuesday.

10. Mend my broken ruler.

11. Remind all choir members to pass up their surat kebenaran.

12. Eat something.

13. Think of ideas for the NIE project.

14. Inform AJKs about the meeting on Friday.

15. Stop crying.

Emotional Breakdown

2011-06-08T16:59:00.003+08:00

I knew today was meant to be a terribly wrong day for me when I nearly cried three times within those 20 minutes of the journey from home to school. I really don't know what's the matter with me. Maybe it's cause I haven't really cried for such a long time. ( Yeah right. )

So, a few who-knows-who-they-are from the health department (or so they say) came to my house yesterday, poked a few things around my house and decided that they were going to spray the whole block with insecticides. And trust me, it ain't pretty. And they had to leave the floor in such a oh-so-sticky condition.

Anyway, my mum asked my dad to buy her some fried noodles. So yeah, that doesn't sound like a problem to you, does it? But IT IS! It was 6.45 in the morning, for goodness' sake! Where on Earth are we gonna find fried noodles! Gosh. On the way out of the house, Grandma had to ask Dad to fetch her to the hospital, which made him even more frustrated than he was one minute ago. And all the way from the elevator to the car park to the market (where we were going to buy fried noodles but there wasn't any), Dad was grumbling about his busy life and practically just complaining about everything to me. Yeah. Welcome to Earth, Dad! After ranting for a quite a long while, Dad stopped. He asked me if there was anything I'd like to tell him. And right then, was the first time I felt like crying. I wanted to tell him everything. But I couldn't. How could I, after hearing all his complaints? I wouldn't wanna make his life more miserable.

Then, headed to Prima Tanjung just to find out the stall that sold fried noodles wasn't open yet. After that, to Pulau Tikus just to be disappointed again. But finally, near the Pulau Tikus market we found our savior! Due to parking problems I had to go down to buy it, but no big deal right? Bought it, got back into the car, thought we could've just drove off to the hospital to visit Mum, but no, I got scolded by my dad 'cause I forgot to take the chopsticks. For goodness' sake, she's staying in the hospital, there was to be a fork somewhere in there! And yeah, this was where I felt tears in my eyes for the second time.

The hospital was strangely crowded for 7.15am. We had to circle around for a while just to find a parking space. Dad was in his 'super speed' mode again. I could tell from the way he just walked and left me behind. Thanks a lot! Now I'm kinda grateful that I don't have to deal with him quite this often. Almost got lost in the wards as I couldn't catch up with him, like who can? Unless you're running! When I saw her, I wanted to cry so, sooooooooooo badly. I wanted to run into her arms , tell her that everything's not okay, that everything's just so effed-up. I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. But I couldn't. I couldn't bear to see her this weak and I knew it. I couldn't bear to trouble her. I wouldn't want her to be suffering more than she already is. And so, I didn't.

5 minutes passed too soon and we had to leave or else Dad will be late. I walked like a mad person, trying to catch up with Dad. The journey to my school from Adventist was short, as expected. I got out of the car and bid farewell, walked all the way to the hall to get my score, then off to Bilik Syarahan for Chinese Orchestra practice. I thought I was going to break apart. But as I saw my friends' faces, I couldn't. All I could think of was that I was truly lucky to be a part of something that was so, so beautiful.

Funny how friends and music can bring me to absolute peace. I guess that's why I enjoy every moment of my co-curricular activities. But that's something some will never understand, no matter how hard I try to make them realise that there is a bright side to every single thing. I love my life. Love how it makes me laugh. Love how it makes me cry. Love how it's completely insane sometimes.

I just wanna cherish every moment.

Live life to the fullest.

A Trip to the Hospital

2011-06-07T20:00:00.003+08:00

Was suppose to go to this drama competition ( which my school won! YAYYYY!!!!! ) on Sunday but then my mum was so sick that my dad and I had to fetch her to the hospital. And well, on and off fever ain't a small joke. I guess I should have seen it coming, with the backaches, vomiting, and especially the red dots on her body, but as you can see, I've never even suspected that my mum got the Dengue fever. Heck, it was a long day, but I guess as long as I was accompanying my mum it didn't really matter, though I would appreciate it if the emergency ward could be a little quieter. Sheesh. You'd think there's construction going on in there.

Anyway, without Mum in my life, everything's just SO different. And yeah, for the second time in my life, I had to iron my own clothes. ( Yeah. I know I'm spoiled. :P ) And wash the clothes. Then hang them. Then fold them. Then keep them. And change the tortoises' water. And take care of my mum's plant et cetera. Believe me, by the time that I was done with all the house chores, it was already midnight and I had to practice my piano for the chinese orchestra rehearsal on the next day. Geez. What happened to my holidays?

On the bright side, my mum's getting better now. At the very least, she can eat already. I'm terribly glad that things got better through these few days. Seriously, Mum, I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you. :)

Going Nuts

2011-06-03T23:58:00.003+08:00

Gah.

I have no idea why I keep having this urge to blog every day.

Maybe it's a sign that I'm gonna go nuts sooner or later.

Well, better start writing before I become too insane to do so.

And yeah, you can stop reading here now,

Cause basically my rants don't really matter.

I used to really look forward to choir practice.

And I used to wish that the practice never ends.

But over these few years, things began to change.

I know, I know.

Time changes everything, as the saying goes.

Then again, there has to be a reason behind all of this.

I don't know.

After all these years, being teased as "the choir girl"...

I guess I didn't really care about it back then,

When I used to actually gain more than I give.

But I'm beginning to think that I DO care.

Is this all a part of growing up?

Well, if the answer to my question was yes,

Then sweet sixteen isn't so sweet after all.

Look.

I don't wanna waste my friggin' energy on you guys anymore.

I think I've reached my limit now.

Thanks for all your efforts guys.

I really need a vacation right now.

Stalkers

2011-05-31T23:19:00.000+08:00

So I was having dinner at Seoul Garden with my mum when I saw a few very awkward-looking people standing a few feet away from me. At first, I didn't really take notice as I was at a shopping mall and crowds do form easily there. But then, I had this sort of feeling, that they were looking at me. Or at least at my direction. It was probably just my imagination. Or so I thought. What made me realised that they were spying on me was that one of them walked to the other way and past by me. And then, she did the same thing but with another person this time. After that they stopped and whispered at a corner, where they thought I couldn't see. Gosh. It was so darn obvious. You could have just said hi to me.

P.S. Dear juniors, you guys seriously don't know how much you entertain me. XD

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

2011-05-05T22:16:00.002+08:00

Been looking for this song for quite some time now.

Love the awesome lyrics. ;)

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing.

- Aerosmith

Scarred

2011-04-24T23:02:00.004+08:00

I don't know what I should do right now.

You made me feel as if everything that went wrong was my fault.

When actually it wasn't.

I don't get why you're treating me like this.

You left me alone.

Waiting for you.

That Friday night.

Not answering my calls.

Not calling me back.

For the first time,

I admit.

I was really scared.

And no word can fully describe the relief I felt

as I saw that familiar car.

As I saw your face.

From which I could tell that you've been drinking.

The way back was in an awkward silence,

you sped on again.

My heart was probably racing at a hundred miles an hour.

As the lights and buildings whirled past me.

The fear was building up inside of me.

Fear of hitting another car.

Fear of being hit.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of losing everything I now have in my life.

You hurt me deeply.

Said that I wasn't willing to help.

When in fact, I didn't know how to help you.

I couldn't help.

Even if I wanted to.

Why do you have to put it in such a bad way?

I thought you were someone who'd give me comfort.

Someone who would never ever hurt me.

Guess I was a fool.

I'm not asking for an apology.

I don't need anymore lies.

But please

Don't hurt me anymore.

Stop the Pain.

2011-04-23T20:21:00.006+08:00

I'm sorry I'm not pretty.

I'm sorry I'm not smart.

I'm sorry I'm not kind.

I'm sorry I'm not outgoing.

I'm sorry I can't do anything.

I'm sorry I just want to be myself.

I'm sorry I swear too much.

I'm sorry I can' be everything you want me to be.

Now, would you stop hurting me?

Profanities

2011-04-23T20:06:00.006+08:00

I've never realised this but I think I may have a problem with profanities. I thought I could've stopped using them by replacing them with the word 'potato'. Guess not. My problem just got worse recently. I even swore in class yesterday. Though I think no one heard me.

Jeez.

I really need my diary.

Issues

2011-04-19T21:33:00.005+08:00

It was a typical school day.I was all dragging my oh-so-out-of-energy body up to class, slamming my bag onto the chair, sitting down, and I was just about to lay my already heavy head onto my desk when something caught my eye. Something out of the ordinary. Something that stood out. Something white on the blackboard. But what caught my attention wasn't the colour. It was what it said.

"S4A Boo"

Heck. This wasn't the first time I've witnessed such a terrible thing, but the shock didn't decease. Why would anyone say or write or do something like that? It's not we're freaks or anything. I don't get why some people have to make others feel so unaccepted. Being in the first class doesn't mean that you're a nerd. You don't see me reading everywhere I go. Pfffttt. Whoever that person is, she'd succeeded in annoying me.

Anyway, back when I was in form two, there was also this one time when I overheard someone's conversation. Not on purpose, of course, but they were talking so loudly I bet everyone within ten feet could hear them. Well, we were in the auditorium, watching a movie or something, I think. And I just caught a few sentences here and there. But the most important one was:

"I've heard that the students of class A are weird. Except for xxx"

Okay. No need to point out who that "xxx" is. I guess the only person she knows who's from class A is "xxx". Well, who is she to judge who we are if she didn't even know us then? I don't mind my friends calling me weird but hey, I've never even seen her face before.

Jeez. Why do I even get myself all worked up for such a small matter?

Smile

2011-03-15T16:57:00.004+08:00

Everybody has those days

When you don't feel like doing anything

When you just feel like keeping to yourself

When you feel like nobody understands

When you feel like you can't even breathe

You feel so lost.

But that's okay.

You don't have to do anything.

You don't have to be anyone.

You don't have to be perfect.

You don't have to please everyone.

You don't have to fake a smile.

Just because you have to.

What's the point of laughing

If you don't feel like it?

What's the point of smiling

If it didn't come from within you?

If you just smiled because you needed to.

Thoughts.

Your thoughts are the only thing

that controls your mood.

And you're the only one

who controls your own thoughts.

Not your parents.

Not your friends.

Not any of them.

I'm gonna smile.

As if I don't have a single thing to worry about

As if I were free from this cage called 'life'

As if everything is alright

As if my life is flawless.

I'm gonna smile.

And everything's gonna be better.

Innocent

2011-02-26T23:08:00.004+08:00

Life.

There's just too many things to say about you.

And yet, I can't seem to find the appropriate words to do so.

Sometimes

You feel so lost

You feel as if the whole world's doing their own thing

But you have no idea what to do

What to think

What to feel

You wish you'd never grown up

Never seen the true faces of those people who've hurt you

Never experienced the heart-breaking sadness

Never forgotten how to truly smile

You wish everything could've stayed the same

Beautiful

Simple

And somehow flawless

Too late.

------------------------------

Once again, Taylor Swift has amazed me with her songs.

It made me rethink everything.

Made me stronger.

And maybe even more optimistic.

Thank you, Taylor.

For everything.

I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back

Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
And everybody believed in you?

It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent,
You're still an innocent.

Did some things you can't speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would seen what you know now then

Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
When everything out of reach,

Someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did.
You're still an innocent.

Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too
Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never too late to be brand new

It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.

Lost your balance on a tightrope.
It's never too late to get it back.

- Taylor Swift - Innocent -

Disappointment

2011-02-11T18:43:00.005+08:00

I guess this had always been one-sided.

Guess it was only me who'd thought of us as best friends.

You left me scarred.

Left my heart bleeding without telling me the way to stop the pain.

And you know what the worst part is?

It's that you didn't even know.

How could you?

How many times have I tried

to stop my tears from escaping from the corner of my eyes,

practically failed, and ended up letting them mix with the water pouring down on my head?

I've lost count.

How much longer do I have to pretend,

To act as if everything's fine when nothing is?

I don't know.

Have you ever felt like you don't fit in?

Have you ever felt like you're left out?

Have you ever felt like you've been stabbed in the back?

Have you ever felt like you have no idea what's going on around you and no one's gonna bother to tell you?

Trust me.

I know how it feels like 'cause I just felt all of those in a day.

Really.

I'm disappointed in you.

Since when did you become like that?

Was I gone from your world for such a long time?

Were you like this from the beginning

and I just didn't know you well enough?

Or am I the one who'd changed?

I'll have to say it's true.

Time changes everything.

It's enough

I've done all I could think of

Chased down all my demons

I've seen you do the same

Hoobastank - The Reason

2011-02-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

Love the meaningful lyrics. :)

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

and the reason is you [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Because not all hearts are the same. :-)

2010-12-21T23:12:00.014+08:00

Yeah.

I guess I've been depressed.

Or 'emo', as you all call it, in my latest posts.

And heck, I'm tired of it too.

So here's to all those people who said that I should be posting happy stuff up here.

And to those who know about the hidden messages:

This ain't one of them posts that has 'em. ;-)

Truth be told,

I'm not as sad as I seem to be.

It's just that:

My blog is sort of where I let all those emotions flow out.

And just rant.

And rant.

And well, you get the point.

Heck.

I'm happy.

I truly am.

I'm starting to think that my life is beautiful.

That it's worth living for.

That it's worth struggling through those endless battles for.

And I'm pretty sure I haven't gone crazy.

Yet.

Anyways,

I wanna say thanks to that special someone.

For everything you ever did.

For everything you ever said.

For everything you are to me.

Thank you so much. ;-)

I love you.

Letting go

2010-12-11T23:37:00.004+08:00

I really don't know what to do right now.

Or what to say.

I don't think I need to explain anymore.

'Cause explaining just leads to more questions.

And more scars.

I gave my best.

I tried my hardest.

But I guess my best just ain't the best.

Please.

Don' trust me.

Don't put too much hope in me.

Seriously.

Everything that has gone wrong is my fault.

I don't wanna let you all down.

Maybe I should just let go to save you all.

There I was again tonight

Forcing laughter faking smiles

Same old tired lonely place

Sometimes

2010-12-07T00:23:00.005+08:00

Sometimes,

I just wanna say;

That I'm already in pieces,

That I'm not okay.

Sometimes,

I just wanna hide;

Better to keep others out of my world,

Than to invite them in and lie.

Sometimes,

I just wanna run away,

From all the madness,

From all the pain;

Back to the times when I was little,

And everything was beautiful,

When life was less bitter,

And fate was less cruel.

Sometimes,

I just wanna pretend;

That I never knew all the things I know,

That I never saw all the things I've seen;

That all those things that I've heard were lies,

That I was numb to everything and nothing can hurt me.

Don't get me wrong.

I don't wanna be a faker.

But I guess it's just inevitable.

Blind

2010-11-30T04:41:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, it's just easier to pretend that you didn't see what you just did.

To just fake a smile and act like everything normal.

But, isn't it sad that one single word is all that it takes to bring you down?

I don't wanna be so easily controlled.

Believe me, I don't.

Sometimes, words can hurt. A LOT.

Fake

2010-11-23T15:16:00.006+08:00

I'm so happy recently.
I think I'm gonna go over to a corner.
I have no idea why though.
And cry till my eyeballs drop out.
Maybe it's the holidays?
And lose so much water that I don't have to worry about going overweight.

I'm HAPPY

2010-11-21T22:34:00.005+08:00

I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.

I was lying.

Mood Swings

2010-11-15T16:22:00.003+08:00

My life is kinda hectic nowadays. Especially with all those who-knows-when-they-popped-out-activities. To think that some people are actually complaining about being bored. @_@ Potato. Seriously, get yourself a job, go to a camp, watch 16 hours of back-to-back soap opera, whatever, I don't care, just stop complaining that you're bored on Facebook. Or else I think I'm gonna smash my laptop screen.

Anyways, as you can in the title, I'm having mood swings. So, I'm here to apologise. I know that I have a really bad temper that I can't really control. But look, I'm trying, 'kay? I'm trying not to get mad easily. I'm trying not to want to yell at people. I'm trying to be more optimistic. But sometimes, I just lose control of my brain when everything's so potato-ed up. Well, what else can I do but to say sorry? So... forgive me? :)

*Note: The word 'potato' has been used to replace all of the profanities in this post. Just trying to make the world a better place. ;-)

Thoughts

2010-11-02T17:17:00.003+08:00

Alone. Alone again. I hate the feeling of being alone. Who doesn't, right? It's like everyone else around you either has something to do or they have other friends to talk to and you feel to ashamed to butt in. It's like the whole world is spinning around, moving at their own pace, changing, improving; but yet you stand there, staring into that empty space, your eyes somehow lifeless. You feel nothing at all.

School. I have no idea why I'm even going to that place where people are supposed to learn things. Now that PMR's all over and everybody's supposed to be all 'Yay! It's finally over!!' and stuff but I suppose all those 'Well, I guess we'll just do that after PMR.' 'contributed' to all of those things we have to face right now. And well, going to school seems more like a chore than ever. Like I said, I don't know why I'm going to school every day. Activities maybe? Well, duties then? Or perhaps friends? No, no and no. I go to school just to fill up my empty schedule. To make myself believe that I am still alive. That life is still worth living. That none of the lines from Shakespeare's Life's Brief Candle is true. Still, I seriously doubt that.

I guess to those who see me around in school, it all makes sense now. Why I'm always seen running around, perspiring like a person who's mad enough to run laps at noon. Why I keep myself occupied with those activities that I think will drive me crazy one day. Why I have to care so much about everything and anything that's considered a part of my life - even if it's just a tiny part of it. Why I can't just let go of everything I'm holding onto right now and run free. Free. Somehow, that word touches my soul. It makes me smile. It clears my mind. And just for a moment, I can fool myself that my life is quite pleasant after all.

Some people are actually envious of me. Being able to keep myself busy while they're so bored they're growing mushrooms but seriously dude, you won't think that way if you're me. It's like, you're forced to occupy yourself with those duties and stuff. Just so you won't feel so alone in class. Well, let me tell you, it ain't such a good feeling. In fact, it really sucks. And I hope none of you will ever, ever have the need to do what I'm doing now. It's pathetic. And I'm seriously ashamed of myself.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,

One BIG question,

How the potato am I supposed to make that lemonade

without the appropriate tools?

Tell Me.

2010-10-18T19:38:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel

A fallen angel who visits your dreams

And in those dreams I'd blow you a message
that says you really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler
A Mexican wrestler in a red vinyl mask
And I might grab you, body slam you,
and maybe cause physical harm

But when we would land
I might take pity on you
I can crack all your ribs
But I can't break your heart

You will never love me
And this I can't forgive
And it will always bug me
As long as I will live
You will never love me
Why should I even care
It's not that you're so special
You're just the cross I bear
You will never love me

Tell me.
Why should I keep loving you
When you will never love me back?

2010-10-01T19:21:00.004+08:00

I'd like to believe that you are talking about me.

That you are telling the truth.

But I know that I'm just fooling myself.

What else can I do?

Bittersweet

2010-09-11T14:02:00.004+08:00

I'm giving up the ghost of love

In the shadows cast on devotion

She is the one that I adore

Creed of my silent suffocation

I won't give up

I'm possessed by her

I'm bearing a cross

She's turned into my curse

Break this bittersweet spell on me

Lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I know, I'm a freak.

P.S. This song is not suitable for those who can't accept goth music.

Apocalyptica rules!!!!!

With You

2010-09-06T13:57:00.006+08:00

It's like electric's running through my veins

My heart does somersaults whenever I see your name

I think I'm going insane

My mind is full of memories of you and me

Erase your name just to write it all over again

Those dreams you starred in just won't go away

'Cause I've never felt this way

Never been okay

And I've never thought I'd say

Love you and mean it

But with you

With you

Everything is upside down when I'm with you

Oh you

With you

I smile or giggle at everything you said

Replay those conversations in my head everyday

Your every move catches my gaze

Try to glimpse at you through the corner of my eye

I'm telling the truth but you said that it's a lie

But anyways, I'll keep on trying

If I could stop time and space just to stare at you

I think I'll never want to take my eyes off of you

'Cause you're the only one who's got a grip of my heart

Please stay the same

We'll never ever part

Well, I don't know what in the world is wrong with me but I got this as a result of studying Sejarah. Weird ehh? I'm sorry, Yining, pia-ing doesn't work for me. T.T

I'm scared. Pathetic. But still scared.

2010-08-23T20:33:00.004+08:00

Looking at that person staring right back at me

I really wonder if I'm really who I think I am

Or who other people think I am

Cause it's really funny how even I don't know myself

So, how can I be myself?

How can I trust myself??

I'm scared.

Pathetic.

But still scared.

Scared that I will mess things up.

And will never be able to put those pieces back together again.

I really wanna just dash out and grab your hand

But I wouldn't wanna startle you

I really wanna just tell you the truth

But I don't wanna ruin your life

I really wanna let you feel how you make me feel

But I wouldn't wanna force you to

I don't think I deserve you at all

Not even as a friend

You're just so out of my world

Out of my reach

And already almost out of my sight

I don't wanna mess you up.

I don't wanna make you feel as if you've done something wrong.

I don't wanna change anything.

I just wanna stay the way we are now.

I just wanna get to know you.

That's all I'm asking for.

Please.

=)

2010-08-08T01:53:00.002+08:00

'Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

I can barely live a day without you

Don't know what I'd do

All I can is think about you

Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

You're the only thing that I'm addicted to

And if this is real

Well, baby I'm such a fool

To know how bad it feels

Yeah.

It's been quite some time since I've written a song.

And heck, I thought my talent was all used up.

But, who knew.

BTW, don't ask me why the lyrics are so sad.

Because it just came out that way.

I wish you knew how bad it feels.

2010-08-03T17:47:00.002+08:00

You'll never see the way the corner of my lips goes up

Every time the thought that you'll never know that it's you I'm talking about

That it's you I'm always thinking about

Comes across my mind

Just to hide the fact that my tears are almost bursting out the edge of my eyes

That my lips are trembling

It's okay.

Knowing that you're happy makes me happy too.

Controlling people?? Me????

2010-07-27T19:29:00.003+08:00

I know that I can't get everything under control.

To be honest, I'm already losing my grip.

Just a slight weakening of the muscles and it's the end for me.

With you guys, I have to be strict.

I have to put on a straight face all the time.

I don't want you all to take me as a joke.

And I don't give a damn if you wanna go and oh-so-childishly boycott me.

With you guys, I have to be friendly.

I have to wear a smile on my lips.

Sort of, 'ordering' you guys by still using a warm tone.

But sometimes, I still can't get you all to do the things I want you all to do.

With you guys, I have to act like I don't care.

And try to cover for you guys when you were having forty winks in class.

But, I still don't get why I'm always the last one to know something.

With you guys, I have to be superwoman.

Going solo probably 24/7.

With you guys, I have to be happy.

'Cause I don't wanna ruin your mood.

With you, I have to ignore the way your eyes shine.

Trying my best to stop the door of my memories from opening.

With you, I have to be optimistic.

'She doesn't know how to control her own pressure.' someone said.

Yeah. But is it really my duty to cheer you up every time you have one of your mood swings?

But with you, I just have to be myself.

You shine.

Even brighter than the Sun.

Always so rife with energy.

You make me so happy, just by being yourself.

Thank you. =)

Confused

2010-07-20T20:36:00.002+08:00

How can it be wrong to do something you love doing?

How can you ask me to ignore those feelings that bundles up in my heart??

How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

I don't get it.

So what if you think that I'm better at academics?

Like that changes anything.

I don't wanna become a dentist. -No offence for those who actually do-

Why can't you accept the fact that I don't wanna be who you want me to be?

Yes, I know, money makes the world go round and all but...

Isn't happiness important as well??

I don't wanna die rich but miserable.

You didn't even give me a chance to explain.

You just questioned everything that I believed in.

Do you feel happy?

Shattering other people's dreams??

I don't need your blessings.

Just quit stopping me from believing.

The moment when your heart pumps blood through your blood vessels faster than a roller coaster cart, when you feel like there's a light shining through you, when you see your own reflection in the eyes of others... That's the moment I'm waiting for.

2010-06-29T17:16:00.003+08:00

Water flooded over my head
As I released the tension entangled with my veins
As I slowly let the picture of you in my head fade away
As I closed my eyes and let my tears mix away with the seawater
Silently, I let the water took control of me
Drown me with all those depression and despair I carry inside

I tried my best to smile
As I let my imagination run wild
What if you did as I wished?
What if you had looked out for me?
What if you...
What if you realised that I can't be everything you want me to be?
That something's not right whenever you're not by my side?
That I'm sending out the signs but you're not receiving them?

But then, I know better
I know that all that I wished will happen will never happen
I know that you are untouchable, unreachable...
I know that that's everything you'll never ever see...

I'm just the messed-up part of your life
Just clinging to the memory of you

Why am I still hanging onto our memory
when I know you'd already moved on?

Nothing Can Describe

2010-06-17T21:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing can describe the feeling that tugs at my heart
When your MSN icon turns green and yet we're not having a conversation.
When I stare at the phone for hours and yet there's no sign of your reply.
When I type sentences and yet all I get from you is an 'LOL'.
When I look at you and yet you're looking away.
When my eyes come across yours and see that they twinkle so brightly as you stare at her.
When I pick up the phone, wishing that it's you and yet it's not.
When I look back at all my songs and realize that they're all for you.
When I reread my diary and find that you left your name all over it.
When I finally gain enough courage to talk to you but then you went offline.
When I open my mouth to talk to you just to see you teasing her.
When I made a feeble lie and yet you believed me.

Should I feel happy that you trust me?
Or should I be sad because you can't see through my lies the way you used to?

2010-06-01T20:13:00.003+08:00

I don't know what I should do.
And my heart's not telling me what to do.
I really, really, really wanna do something.
Even if I'm just a useless piece of crap.
I know you will never, ever, ever see this.
But, I just wanna say that
Every single song I wrote, I wrote it for you
Every single diary page I wasted, I wasted it for you
Every single peep I took as you walked away, I took it for you...

Maybe I'm just selfish.
I don't wanna let go of your so-called 'love' towards me.
Maybe I'm just a coward.
I dare not let go of you because I don't know what I would be without you.
I dare not lift my head up because I know that I would see you walking away from me.
I dare not look into your eyes because I know that I would see someone else inside them.
I dare not talk to you because I know that I would get hurt.
I dare not bump into you because I know that it is not me that you'd want to bump into.

I'm so damn useless.

2010-05-31T18:31:00.002+08:00

I really am tired of pretending.
Pretending that I don't care about anything when that tiny little voice in my head - which by the way, is the coolest song ever - is probably screaming at the top of its lungs for me to stop.
Why do we have to pretend?
Pretending that we like something even though we hate it just to get into a conversation with someone so-called 'popular'.
I don't get it.
One moment you said something, the next you take it back.
One minute you said you'll do that, the next you do something the opposite.
That just complicates things.

29.May.2010: Choral Workshop

2010-05-29T20:14:00.002+08:00

Before I bore you guys with my totally emotional and somehow senseless posts, here's a post which will be - for the first time ever - quite happy. (Emphasis on 'quite' , I didn't say 'all the way through').

So, MGS and our school's choir are gonna hold a choral performance tomorrow. And there's gonna be a choir from NUSS, which is a university in Singapore. Therefore, there was a workshop at our school hall just now from 2-5.30pm.

After running through a few songs, the Singaporeans arrived. And all we could see was people. Not only people, but old people. Bear in mind that all of us thought it was gonna be people of almost 20-year-or-so. Like, it's a university. Whatever. This proofs that the famous saying '活到老, 学到老' is actually true.

NUSS' choir's conductor was awesome. Not only was he the only one who's younger, looks younger, the tallest, conducts -duh-, but he could play the piano pretty good and sing as well. Not to mention that the finale song 'Wherever You Are' was actually written by him. =D And the way he conducts, oh man, you guys should have really, really seen it!!!! It's like totally different and yet we could all get what he meant. WEIRD.

Actually, the weirdest thing was that Li Fei said that Ming Ching, who's voice is way more girlish than mine, looked 'shuai'. Chew Ying even agreed. Oh gosh. I can't believe this. O.O

Chew Ying, as usual, was pretty down due to some 'choir issues' again. When I say 'choir issues', I'm referring to the fact that she thinks she's not good enough to be the conductor. Seriously, I don't get it. Why the heck do people who are great think that they suck??!! After being convinced quite a few times by me, she cheered up by about 1%.

The teacher told us suddenly that we had to perform 2 extra songs!!!!!! And tomorrow's the concert!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. I believe we're Gods alright. Pulling up 2 songs with half an hour of practice today and another hour tomorrow. Great. And guess what. We got scolded because we were practicing for the 2 songs. Haha. (Sarcastic laugh, not an actual one)

It was quite fun actually. I like the feeling of having tenors and basses in the choir. I like getting to tease Ming Ching because of her girlish voice. I like the feeling of getting to lecture Chew Ying when she was emotional. Yeah. I know I'm evil. =)

2010-05-28T10:38:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for everything I've done.
For what I haven't done.
I know that being sorry doesn't help the situation.
But still...
I really don't know what to do.
I don't know what I should do.

I'm sorry for being totally useless.
For being 'idea-less'.
My mind just doesn't function like you guys' do.
It goes blank.
Adrenaline will jolt through its veins.
But still....
Nothing happens.
It's like the nerve connecting to it is missing.

I'm sorry for being socially inactive.
For having zero social skills.
For blurting things that are both pointless and ineffective at the same time.

I'm messed up.
And I don't know how to fix it.

Freak

2010-05-06T15:42:00.002+08:00

I have no idea what I was doing.
This is ridiculous.
Look at what I've done.
How I messed up.
Seriously, I don't think I can fix it anymore.

The Worst Person Ever

WOOTS

2010-05-01T16:41:00.002+08:00

Okay. A lot of you might be saying (in your head):
What the heck?! I thought she was emo?!'
But apparently, the change in the time-table just made my day!!
I'm finally gonna say buh-bye to that damn PJ teacher.
And I suppose I'll never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
See her again.
Since she is never at her desk. =P

Okay. This is lame of me to publish a post just to say that I'm finally free of her.
But then.....
I really despise her.

2010-04-23T19:23:00.002+08:00

I have been pretty emo lately.
Or perhaps I should say 'standoffish', which in this case means reluctant to associate with others.
I understand that I might have offended you.
I admit it.
I truly do.
I have to say that I can't help to despond.
In everything.
Things are just so bleak and deplorable right now.
Figuratively, I am being engulfed up by lament.
I was impulsive.
I don't have the knack for handling ghastly situations like this.
I apologise for being obnoxious for the past few hours.
Maybe I would have been notorious for being offensive if I had gone on.
It's just that people are expecting me to escape from predicaments posthaste.
They seem to think that I am rife of energy.
But I am 100% human.
I am rickety already.
I will scorch down in a rubble if I were to continue.
Please.
Just give me some time to recuperate.
To invigorate.
Forgive me if I scarcely speak to you.
Or if I no longer do.
I may not go back to who I was before.
I may not change.
I may not do anything positive at all.
But I really do not think of you as something trivial.
I know.
Some of you see me as unintelligible these days.
Trust me.
I do not know what I am doing right now either.

P.S. Yes. I know that there were a lot of difficult words.
I just do this when I am emo-ish.

Now a fan of Emo,
Belicia YQB

Unlucky me...

2010-04-03T23:25:00.004+08:00

Okay..
For the second time..
I was being weirded out by a freak AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe that I am so 'lucky'.
The situation was almost like last time.
Just this time, it was on MSN.
I have no idea why but just now I gotta feeling,
( Yes, I know it's a song.)
To turn my MSN on since it was a long time since I last did.
And, just as I clicked on that button that changed the next few minutes of my life,
A conversation pop-up, well, popped up.
I saw something that made my jaw reach the floor...

Username: JacqulinePilkinton3073@hotmail.com

(Wait till you see this...)

PM: horny ;)

WHAT THE HECK??!!!
Which of my friends would put that pm??!!
Mei Yuan maybe?? (no offense)
But I was positive that it wasn't her as her MSN was facing problems.

Freak 2: Hey.
Me: May I know who you are?
Freak 2: :-) Yay someone to talk to!!! ~~~<3
(Is it just me, or is this person weird? )
Me: Okay...
Freak 2: I hope you want to chat with a horny girl today... ;-) How you doing?
( OMG!!! Stop talking to me!!! )
Me: Fine, thanks. How are you?
Freak 2: I'm great babe!! I'm a little busy now, just got a new laptop trying to set my cam up...
( Ugh!! BABE!!! Is she-I guess it's a 'she'-a psycho or something?? )
Me: I see.
Freak 2: I have a fetish for the camera ;) Do you have a cam?
Me: I think there's a problem with it.
( Of course I had to lie. Would you? )
Freak 2: If you have one we can cam together or if not you can just watch me online ;)
Freak 2: I have a webcam but you're not a kid right?
( Lie. If you don't, you don't know what will happen to you. )
Me: Do I sound like one?
Freak 2: I don't think so hon, but we can get to know each other better and maybe exchange phone numbers if you're comfortable with that..
Freak 2: k.. well, I'm gonna show you ..k?
Freak 2: (types a website that I prefer not to show) go there and my video will load, just click the yellow JOIN FREE button at the top of the page, it's 100% free to join. You only need a credit card to verify that you are over 18 ;P
Freak 2: If you come watch me I'll do whatever you want me to do... fill out your info, it's free. k?

Oh. My. God!!!!
What the hell is up with me??
Why am I attracting freaks??!!
And what on earth is happening to the internet??!!
Oh crap.

Freak Magnet much?!

2010-03-09T17:44:00.008+08:00

So, after a few proof-full incidents, I've decided that I'm a freak magnet.
YES, I ATTRACT FREAKS!!!!!!
Facebook..
A place to enjoy lame games and keep track of your friends..
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Truth is, there are lots of freaks on facebook.
Need I say, ug- wait that's such a harsh word- not so good-looking freaks?
So, Sunday(7.3.10),there's this guy bugging me-there's no need to mention names.
He's kinda weird and ug-, I mean not so good-looking.
And he keeps saying that I'm beautiful and wonderful and that he admires me.
Yeah, I was like what the heck??!!!
And that's only about half an hour after he said 'hi' to me.
Total weirdness.
And he's in college, 21 or so he says.
The next thing I know, he's asking me to go out with him.
What the f**k??!!

Me: 'But I'm only 15.'
Freak: 'Nvm d.'
Me: '....'
Me: 'My parents won't let me go out with you.' (Yeah, neither will I.)
Freak: 'Then we date on facebook.'
Me: '...'

And so, I asked Mei Yuan for advise...

Me: 'How ar??'
Mei Yuan: '1. Say no. 2. Ignore him'
Me: ' But then, isn't he pityful?' (God knows why I said that.)
Mei Yuan: 'Who cares?'

And Ming Yi...

Me: 'Wei!!How ar??'
Ming Yi: 'Tell him you're a lesbian la!!'
Me: (laughing non-stop) ' Walao eh!!!!!'

And so, I went offline immediately 'cause I was terrified of that freak.

Today(9/3/10), he sent me messages telling me that he misses me.

Freak: 'After your PMR, I date you out.'
(I'm copying his exact words, any grammatical errors are his fault.)
Me: 'I'm... Sort of....'
Freak: 'Sort of what?'
(I didn't reply him 'cause I too darn busy playing Sorority Life.)
Freak: 'What are you doing?'
Me: 'Busy-ing.'
Freak: 'When you free, chat me loh.' (Yes, chat me.)
(After an hour of Sorority Life...)
Freak: 'Tell me, you sort of what?'
Me: (sigh) 'I'm sort of..taken.'
(Yes, I lied.)
Freak: 'Taken mean kidnapper?'
(What the hell?! He doesn't know what's the meaning of taken?)
Freak: 'Izit?'
Freak: 'Sorry. I not taken la.'
Freak: 'Believe me, ok?'
Me: ' What I meant was that I am taken already.'
Freak: ' What is taken?'
Freak:' Taken what?'
Freak: 'You taken by what?'
Freak: 'So I cannot date you lo. Izit.'
Freak: 'So can I date you?'
Me: 'NO!!!'
Freak: 'Ooo... why?'
(you can imagine how I'm banging my head on the keyboard by now)
Freak: 'Cause you taken?'
Me: 'YES!!!!!'
Freak: 'Mean you taken by boy?'
Freak: '你被人拿了?'
Me: ' YES!!!!'
(Is it SO hard just to tell a damn lie if it meant saving yourself??)
Freak: 'So.. are we friends or not?'
Me: -faints- (well, almost)

Tell me, is every boy this clueless??
Is it so hard to dump/reject a boy??

2010-02-21T22:40:00.002+08:00

I realise that I'm a total idiot.
People always say
"Your heart will tell you what to do."
So...
What happens when it doesn't?
Should we just wait for it to happen?
Some might say
"Grab every single chance you have."
What happens if you don't have any?
Another person will say
"Create your own chance."
So what happens if you can't do anything at all?
What will happen if you already hanging onto the tail of faith?
When you're just trying to let others see that you're struggling,
Yet, they somehow managed to see through all your hard work?
Can anyone tell me what will happen now?

I Don't Know, okay?

2010-01-31T19:42:00.002+08:00

I'm sick of getting bossed around.
About what I wanna become.
I seriously DON'T KNOW, OKAY??!!
Yeah, I know, EVERYONE knows what they wanna become.
Except for me.
I was always the fairytale type.
There must be something cracked up in my mind.
But when you have a mother who tells you to be a dentist every 5 seconds of the day, there's bound to be something weird happening up in your head.
Dentist, dentist, dentist.
This very word goes through my mind far many more times than I've washed my socks.
I can't even think straight right now.
Dentist, singer, dentist, singer.

They (8.Dec.09) [Original Song]

2009-12-08T19:03:00.005+08:00

Verse 1:
They go around without a smile
Hanging with their gang
They like to mock people out loud
as if all the people in the world are deaf

Refrain 1:
I don't really care what say about me
But it hurts me so oh

Chorus:
'Cause they'll never know what they've done wrong
That we'd cried alone in the dark all night long
And they'll never see what we can be
For they never did care so why should we
There's a time to shine for everyone
Don't give in or give up our lives have just begun

Verse 2:
It's not like I haven't try
But they just walked away
The worst is when we're alone with them
I didn't know it's so hard just to make a friend

Refrain 2:
Don't know what I've done wrong
Oh if you would tell me
I'm gonna lose control oh

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
I thank you for your madness
Now I'm pretty calm
I've learn from your ignorance
How to be bold

Chorus x2

La la la la la la la la (x4)

Verse 3:
Maybe it's meant to be like that
We're from different worlds
We may have some that we dislike
But there's plenty of them who are by our side
And it's our pride.

Music and lyrics by Belicia Yeap Qiao Bei
8.Dec.2009

8.Dec.09

2009-12-08T18:32:00.002+08:00

See that date???
That date --- 8.Dec.09 --- marks the day my father's words left an unhealed scar deep down at the bottom of my heart...
I don't know if I'm exaggerating or not but it really stabbed me...
My mum just bought me a new acoustic guitar..
And she told me to show it to my dad...
And he asked me to play a song...
To "give him motivation"...
Or so he says...
So, I decided to play a song which I just wrote about one hour ago...
(P.S. I'll upload that later)
Yeah, I know he doesn't know that I wrote it myself...
And in 45 minutes too...
That song's very meaningful to me...
And it gives me motivation...
(Like I said, you'll see when I post the lyrics)
He said it was not good...
For me, not good = bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, he left for an appointment with a customer...
Mum, too went out to get herself a bowl of Hokkien Mee...
And the teardrops started falling...
I can't believe this...
My dream just shattered in front of me in minutes...
So, Lee Lynn, Ming Yi and ZheWei...
This is why I don't share my songs with everybody...
Including my mum and dad...

Untitiled

2009-11-29T15:26:00.002+08:00

我们不能选择亲生的父母,

但是, 我们可以改变自己的将来.

我们不能预知明天的天气,

但是, 我们可以好好安排今天.

我们不能控制他人,

但是, 我们能掌握自己.

我们不能左右别人的观点,

但是, 我们可以寻找自己的道路.

我们不能控制生命的长度,

但是, 我们可以决定生命的深度.

同样的, 我们不能事事都如意,

但是, 我们可以样样靠努力!

BTW, I didn't write this..

Don't get the wrong idea...

This is just a poem I found today..

My primary class teacher told us to memorise it... :)

Diary of Me ~ 31-Dec-09: Halloween

2009-11-09T20:14:00.027+08:00

Happy Halloween!!!!

I know I should be studying for my finals

But, *teh* I'm not!!!!

For a good cause that is, CHOIR FAREWELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's on today (obviously) and it's pretty cool since it's on Halloween...

I had to reach early as I was one of the commitees :)

Decorations!!!!!!!

My favourite part of the party, actually, second, after food ;)

BTW, we're having it at the auditorium...

Now, let's cut all the crap and let the photos do the talking, shall we??

This is what the stage looks like, well, without the lights and the bags...

Ghost with Yan2 (Try and guess who the ghost is)

Hint: She's a choir member (I know this is a useless hint)

The same ghost with Shao En

Hint: Who would actually buy this mask??

Caramel Apples!!! (not so good for your teeth though)

Cookies!!! (home & hand made)

Candy in coffins!!!!

Of course, a party isn't a party without balloons!!!

More Candy!!!

Now that's the Halloween spirit!!!

Toothache!!!

Marshmallows dipped in chocolate..

Souvenirs for our seniors..(2 only)

Piano (decorated with spider webs)

Chew Ying did this... Well done Chew Ying!!!

Cute pumpkins!!!

More spider web... Chew Ying and I did this together..

BOO!!!!!!!Did I scare you??

Sparkling juice...

This is the cutest cake ever!!!!

Get this.. It's a real pumpkin!!!!

Ok... This is the bad side of us.. Throwing ice into the drain

Promise you won't tell ok... :)

Diary of Me ~ 20-Sep-09: E+O & QB's Parking Lot

2009-09-22T15:21:00.010+08:00

Happy Hari Raya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chia Ying, Mei Yuan and I had Experience (E) & Opportunity(O)
While Sylvia and Yan2 had I-forgot-what-the-test-name-is
We thought it was as easy as eating popcorn
But IT"S SO TOTALLY NOT!!!!!
I can't believe it!!!
All subjective...
And WTH was that all about???!!!!

Moving on...
My mum, dad and I decided to go to Gurney Plaza for a movie...
WRONG MOVE!!!!
It's Raya and apparently all those people (Malays) came out to window shop...
So, my dad drove us to Queensbay Mall...
WRONG MOVE #2!!!!!!!!
It's was even more crowded there....
OMG!!!!!
Yeah, we went to Queensbay...
Only the parking lot...
We paid for the parking ticket (what a waste)
And, we thought we could go out smoothly...
When this dumb guy in front of us appeared...
He didn't even know that we have to pay for the parking tickets at the auto-pay machine..
Seconds were wasted as he paid at the spot where we were suppose to just put our tickets into the slot....
Also, I found out I left my water bottle at CLHS... (damn it!!!)

At this time of the year (hari raya), it is best to eat hawker food...
We had dinner at Batu Lanchang...
Bought peanuts to munch on on the way home...
BTW, I found this adorable peanut which is so small!!!!!!

You're probably wondering 'WTH is this?!!'...
Well, this is my dream house...
Located near our school...
Isn't it just fab??!!

Diary of Me ~ 12-Sep-09: Leo Team Building

2009-09-22T14:09:00.004+08:00

Activity: Leo Team Building

Date: 12-Sep-09

Time: 9am-1pm

Venue: Bilik Masakan

Mei Yuan and I skipped O.C. today for the sake of our Leo Club..
(see how good we are??) *vomits*
We were divided into groups of fives...
And, we had to cook spaghetti...
Of course the sauce is provided so at least it won't taste really bad...
But, we had to dice chicken and slice the mushrooms...
And there's one thing that we didn't know...
We had to finish all of the things we cooked..
We cooked a lot!!!!!!!
Poor Sylvia had to take home (and throw away) ...

Chia Ying got this crazy idea to create a 'Spaghetti Monster'
Here's to you, Chia Ying!!!
BTW, that's our group's leftovers...
It was all sticky when we took this picture...

Yan2 was really happy when two (hungry) taekwando-ers came by for a snack..

Muffins?!

2009-08-30T12:57:00.015+08:00

So, Sylvia, Mei Yuan and me met up at Yan2's house...
As 29/6 is WS's anniversary+farewell...
We're having a cooking competition..
And we're (not including me) baking muffins...
Plus, we have a MAJOR PROBLEM...
Our dance (Sorry Sorry) is so totally not working out...
Just wanna upload some pics of us...

Yan2 taking a pic

The Muffins We Made
(They're not cupcakes!!!)

The Prettiest and The Ugliest of All Muffins

More Burnt Muffins

Just can't take your hands off manga right, Mei Yuan?

I know, it's weird...
Yan2 says it looks like she's sucking Mei Yuan's blood..
It's a mouse....

Okay...

Need I say anything more...

Maksim!!!!!

2009-08-09T18:49:00.001+08:00

Help!!! Anyone!!!!!

2009-02-15T16:10:00.012+08:00

What am I suppose to do!!!!!
I keep falling in love with dudes in mangas and animes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I accept any advise except for me to stop reading mangas and watching animes...
Is it because that I never saw a real cute guy (that's almost the same age, not small, not a star)??
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is worse than I thought!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, how could you resist these:

Len - My Absolute Favourite!!!!

Kazuki - I can't help liking him somehow...

Keiichi - He's so cute!!!!!!

Yu-chan - Isn't he cute!!!!!!

Takuma Ichijou from Vampire Knight!!!

This story is actually about a handsome swimmer...

Check this one out:

The Black Hair's mine!!!!!!!
Like the dark brown too, though...

Love the middle and the right one...

AAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're just so irresistible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them - J.K. Rowling

2008-12-24T14:19:00.004+08:00

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them -- J K Rowling
I must say this book is extremely interesting...
I mean it has all the information about mythical creatures...
And, there's the part wher Harry, Ron and Hermione keeps writing in the book...
BTW, anyone knows what's the difference between imps, elves and fairies??

Sinking...

2008-12-14T12:23:00.000+08:00

Sinking...
Slowly sinking into a sea...
With my eyes closed...
Enjoying the soft, peaceful sound of the water all around me...
My ears finally free of all those noise in the city...

Soon, I'll have to breathe...
Soon, I'll have to go up for more air...
I gasped for air...
Trying to break free of the thing that's pulling me down....
Struggling to float up...
Finally, I gave in...
Water filled up my mouth...
For a moment, everything was quiet...
Even the water around me...
I can feel myself breathing in and out...
It was a miracle...

I opened my eyes...
Knowing that this is my last chance to enjoy this wonderful sea...
I could see the blueish-green sea...
The light shining brightly above me...

Corals hid from me....
Whispering softly to one another behind those rocks...
Their hair floating in the water giving them away...
I waved at them...
Giving a friendly smile...

Fishes swam all around me...
Red, blue, yellow, and many more...
Their fins brushing against my hands and legs...
Tickling me to fits of laughter...

Pink shells lying on the seabed...
Starfish dancing with each other...
The beat of my heart following the sound of crabs' claws...
A pearl shining beautifully in the mouth of a huge shell...

A voice...
Ever so pure and beautiful...
A shape came swimming to me from a far...
The body and face of a beautiful woman...
Yet, the tail of a wonderful fish...

Her eyes were like crystals...
Mesmerizing me...
Never letting her sight of me...
Her voice as hypnotizing as a siren's...
Her soft hand touching my cheek...

So mesmerized that I didn't notice her transformation...
The only thing that remained the same is her crystal-like eyes...
For her skin grown rough and scaly...
Her hair no longer the smooth, blonde strands...
They were eels...
Electric eels...
Her long finger nails digging into my skin...
Leaving scratches on my cheek...

I dared not move...
I could see blood slowly drifting into the water...
Ignoring the pain...
She raised her hand to her lips...
Licking it with her toungue...
She smiled wickedly...
Showing her razor sharp fangs...

More and more of her companions surrounded me...
Snarling viciously...
I'd never thought that I'd be so scared of mythical creatures...
Those beautiful yet cruel creatures...
I tried to swim away...
But it's impossible to get away from their incredibly fast speed...

Corals tangled me with their hair...
Fishes now blowing trumpets...
What came out was not music but complaints...
Shells smacked me...
Crabs clawed me...
A starfish was stuck on my face...

I felt pain all over my body...
Perhaps those blood-sucking mermaids...
I could smell blood in the water...

I opened my eyes...
I'm trapped in one of those huge shells...
The beautiful pearl my companion...
My flesh all eaten by those monsters...
I'm all skin and bones now...
Only waiting for the day to come...
For an angel to come and take my soul away...

从开始到现在

2008-11-30T15:16:00.000+08:00

你真的忘得了你的初恋情人吗
假如有一天
你遇到了跟他长得一模一样的人
他真的就是他吗还有可能吗
这是命运的宽容还是
另一次不怀好意的玩笑

如果这最后的结局
为何我还忘不了你
时间改变了我们告别了单纯
如果重逢也无法继续失去才算是永恒
惩罚我的认真是我太过天真
难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在
也同样落的不可能
难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能我怎么会愿意承认
你是我不该爱的人

如果再见是为了再分
失去才算是永恒
一次新的记忆为何还要再生

难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在
也同样落的不可能
难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能我怎么会愿意承认
你是我不该爱的人

拿什么作证
从未想过爱一个人
需要那么残忍才证明爱的深

难道我就这样过我的一生
我的吻注定吻不到最爱的人
为你等从一开始盼到现在
也同样落的不可能
难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人
我不能我怎么会愿意承认
你是我爱错了的人

Tied Together With A Smile

Faith. Belief. Hope. Dreams.

10

Merely a Fool

Checklist

Emotional Breakdown

A Trip to the Hospital

Going Nuts

Stalkers

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Scarred

Stop the Pain.

Profanities

Issues

Smile

Innocent

Disappointment

Hoobastank - The Reason

Because not all hearts are the same. :-)

Letting go

Sometimes

Blind

Fake

I'm HAPPY

Mood Swings

Thoughts

Tell Me.

Bittersweet

With You

I'm scared. Pathetic. But still scared.

=)

Controlling people?? Me????

Confused

Nothing Can Describe

29.May.2010: Choral Workshop

*WOOTS*

Unlucky me...

Freak Magnet much?!

I Don't Know, okay?

They (8.Dec.09) [Original Song]

8.Dec.09

Untitiled

Diary of Me ~ 31-Dec-09: Halloween

Diary of Me ~ 20-Sep-09: E+O & QB's Parking Lot

Diary of Me ~ 12-Sep-09: Leo Team Building

Muffins?!

Maksim!!!!!

Help!!! Anyone!!!!!

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them - J.K. Rowling

Sinking...

从开始到现在

WOOTS